Everything Is A Lot, But It’s Optional

Everything Is a Lot, But It's Optional

Lately, I've been sitting with a simple thought:

Everything is a lot.

Work is a lot.

Relationships are a lot.

Parenting is a lot.

Healing is a lot.

Building a life is a lot.

Being responsible is a lot.

The list never ends.

And yet, I keep coming back to the same reminder:

Everything is a lot, but it's optional.

Now, before you get ahead of me, I'm not suggesting we abandon our responsibilities and move into the woods. The responsibilities are real. The deadlines are real. The commitments are real.

But somewhere along the way, I think many of us forget that we have a choice. Not always about whether something gets done. But about how we engage with it. For some people, every task carries weight. Not because the task itself is difficult. But it becomes attached to something bigger.

Worth.

Success.

Productivity.

Discipline.

Failure.

Identity.

Suddenly, the laundry isn't laundry. It's proof you're keeping your life together. The workout isn't movement. It's proof you're taking care of yourself. The unfinished project isn't a project. It's evidence that you're falling behind. Everything becomes loaded. Everything becomes important. Everything becomes urgent. And carrying that kind of pressure is exhausting.

What's interesting is that many of us don't even notice we're doing it. We become so accustomed to pushing ourselves that it feels normal. We tell ourselves we're being responsible. Motivated. Disciplined. Meanwhile, we're negotiating with ourselves all day long. You should do this. You need to do that. Don't forget this. Get ahead on that. Be better. Do more. Keep going. No wonder we're tired. No wonder rest feels difficult. No wonder sitting still can feel uncomfortable.

Because even our thoughts have become another to-do list.

I've found that when I loosen my grip, something unexpected happens. The things that actually matter still get done. Maybe not immediately. Maybe not perfectly. But without all the suffering attached or without turning every task into a measure of my worth. Maybe that's the invitation: not to do nothing, not to become careless, not to stop showing up for your life.

Remember that you have a choice. Remember that not everything deserves your urgency. Remember that your value doesn't increase every time you check something off a list. And remember that while everything may be a lot, not everything has to feel heavy.

Talk soon,

Nicole

Ambitious Avoidance

Welcome to my blog space!!

Truthfully, this blog has been on the to-do list for a while. As the great Mariah says each November 1st, ITSSSSS TIMMMEEE!!

Ok, I’m no Mariah Carey, but like her, I have a voice, and it’s finally time for me to share. Today I wrote a rather long FB repost, which is the birth of this blog entry. The post discussed a news anchor’s decision to seek intensive mental health treatment after a series of events. In many ways, she concluded that taking care of herself is the key to her remaining healthy.

High-performing trauma survivors endure a lot of suffering. Period.

Let’s break this down a bit.

What defines a high performer? Ambition.

What facilitates enduring suffering? Avoidance.

What defines a trauma survivor? Resilience. Grit. Adaptation.

Let’s go further…

Those with a history of complex trauma who pushed through adversity to become their version of successful often avoid the depths of who they are. Underneath the ambition are negative narratives and deeply rooted belief systems that usually start with “un”: unworthy, unlovable, unseen, undervalued. Sometimes the ambition to succeed becomes the avoidance.

Isn’t it easier to avoid the thoughts, feelings, poor decisions, and complicated relationship patterns? Of course it is… until it’s not. This goes deep. It’s layered. And honestly, it can be difficult to go there alone. Here’s how you can start the healing process… imho. Start moving. Go for a walk. Take a class (art, yoga, Pilates). Swim. Create space for yourself. You need spaces where you can check out in order to check in.

And of course, start your therapy journey.

Talk soon.

Nicole